The journey of my healing from an eating disorder... (Part 4 of 5)
I always thought that even quitting drugs or smoking would be easier than healing a food issue because you HAVE to eat. How was I going to stop obsessing about food? My first step in healing the food issue was to do something so I wouldn’t have to think about food. I went on Nutrisystem. Now, I know that is not high quality food but I didn’t have a lot of options. (This was almost 10 years ago...) I picked the food out, it was delivered and I ate what I needed to. It worked perfectly for me and I am grateful that was even an option then. And, I actually liked it. I was on Nutrisystem for quite some time. I would say a year or more. In the meantime, I was still working on my inner self. Letting go of things, healing things, forgiving people, forgiving my Self. Another key thing I did during this time was 24 hour fasts. I would go from lunch one day, to lunch the next day. Because I was actually eating every day it never felt like deprivation at all. I only did that a few times but they were SO important in my journey. They were my spirit days. I used those days very purposefully and with great honor. It was a way for me to rest my mind from food and my body from digesting so I could go deeply into my spirit. I remember one particular day during one of my fasts that I started to feel hungry. I went immediately to lay in front of our fire place. I closed my eyes and put one hand on my stomach and one hand on my heart and asked my spirit, “What are you really hungry for?” The answer came right away saying, “Connection.” I started to cry thinking about how alone I had felt in my life. And I wasn’t just craving connection with people but deeply craving connection to mySelf, my spirit and to THE Spirit.