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The journey of my healing from an eating disorder... (Part 3 of 5)

So the journey begins several years later when I began to study alternative healing methods. It had always been an interest of mine and so I just started reading. I also read any other self-help book that drew my interest. Some of the books that have been the most impactful in my journey are: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers - Debbie Ford. Woman Heal Thyself - Jeanne Blum (This was over my head at the time, but still impactful) A Return to Love and A Woman’s Worth - Marianne Williamson A New Earth or anything by Eckart Tolle Wellness Workbook - John Travis and Regina Ryan There are many more but these were some that started my journey. See I knew that my issues with food stemmed from a deep internal place. I knew I was using it to hide from something else and so I was bound and determined to uncover and heal whatever I was hiding. As many who have eating disorders are, I was also worrier and a people pleaser. Over the years I did get better and better and my food issues and obsession were lessening their dominance in my life but they were still there. I was worrying less, I had more self-esteem and self-worth than ever, I was starting to find my place in the world, and I had even found a healthy weight that I was able to maintain pretty easy but I was STILL obsessing over food. I wondered if I always would. Okay so, fast forward even more to my mid-thirties. I was moving through an intense time of deep spiritual growth. I had, what many call, a dark night of the soul. (that lasted a couple of weeks...) That is an entirely different story but it applies here because when I had come out of that I was a different person. I was ready. I was ready to leave my old self behind and become the person I knew I could be. The person I new I could be was in love with herself. That person was self-confident, self-assured, grounded, joyful, loving and present. It sounds a bit simplistic but I truly just made the decision that I was tired of my same old story. I was tired of hating myself and tired of saying I was going to do something and didn’t do it, and SO tired of thinking about food all the time. I remember reading through old journal entries and old New Years Resolutions and thinking... “None of these things have changed for YEARS! When am I finally going to change?” “Aren’t I tired of saying the same old things and thinking the same old things? “ Indeed I was. Step One... Accept where I was. Accept who I was. Accept and honor my journey up to that point no matter how repetitive and “unsuccessful” it had been. Step Two... Find. My. Joy. I decided that I was going to BE happy. Period! Nothing was more important and so all my decisions were based around that decision. ​ Step Three... I needed a path to heal my food issues.

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