The transformation...

The transformation - the aha moment came in the form of pain. I was being "scolded" for doing something "wrong". It was certainly a familiar feeling to me. As a former people pleaser I had felt this feeling before whenever I "spoke up" and said what was on my mind. Or went against my inner knowing and did or didn't do something I knew I should or shouldn't have. I DID feel like I wasn't really wanted there. Whether it was true or if I was creating it to BE true - I felt it. I realized as I was going through those familiar feelings that I wasn't happy. Oh gosh - hadn't I just said to my guides - "Where is my joy? Why have I been feeling so down for so long? What is going on with me?" I really didn't know - Although I DID know that for the last few months walking in there felt heavy. I felt a little nervous and just generally not happy. I made the decision that moment that it was time to leave. And immediately -- I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Oh my gosh! I felt like I could take a deep breath. I felt so open and light and …. Ohhhh there It was… HAPPY!! Ohhhh my JOY! I looked back at the last few months and just thought -- Oh my goodness! THAT was it! I honestly didn't know at the time. I had been asking for big change. I knew big change was coming and already in the other areas of my life it HAD! And I had wondered why THOSE changes hadn't helped me find my joy. When I was being told to let go of my past to move forward into a brand new future I didn't know or even THINK that it would include letting go of that. It seems so obvious now though. I really had never felt like part of the family there although I loved many there. I didn't feel for a LONG time that I was getting there what I felt I needed although I received so much. When I didn't receive what I needed there - I fulfilled my own need. I DO believe that we have all we need within so I wasn't thinking that it was okay to desire fulfilling that from without as well. No I didn't probably handle it the way my highest self would have. I was afraid of how they were going to react. Afraid of what they were going to say. I didn't want them to try to talk me out of it and try to get me to stay… not that they would have. I knew their history when other people left and it made me nervous. I guess I CAN give myself some credit for writing to them and letting them know. Even though they were harsh with me and they defamed my character - I allow them their reaction. I really DO know deep down that they love me and they are just disappointed and hurt. If they DIDN'T love me they wouldn't care. I know that they are human too - flawed and perfect. I love them but I am TRULY glad not to be in their presence or in the presence of their family. I raised my vibration and the universe and my highest self took care of the details - even when I didn't know them. How could I ever NOT trust the Universe in bringing to me the match to that new vibration?! That is my only job -- to keep my vibration high - to continue to grow and live my JOY and honestly the rest IS taking care of already!! My success is assured - my abundance received - my love arrived - my Joy and Happiness ARE! I am SOOO proud of myself! I saw the truth - I told the truth and I followed my heart WITHOUT hesitation! And now - I feel so happy, so free, so open! I feel like a HUGE wave of opportunity has opened up to me and it is amazing and sooo wonderful I let go now of the need to "settle" - I let go of staying in a place where I don't feel comfortable, loved and accepted. I let go of feeling like I need to be invisible. I let go of the need to stay safe. I let go of being in my bubble as to not be exposed (which I didn't know I was doing). I had been shrinking in order not to disturb others. (NO idea I was doing that either!) And when I feel like someone is upset with me - I let go of the tendency to close my heart. Let nothing ever close my heart. Let me never shut anyone out no matter how they behave toward me or what I think, they think of me. I will always allow people to have that warm connection with me. I DO have an incredible influence on others and I own that because I am a leader --- in service to others.